To suggest that God answers prayer is to open oneself up to accusations of schizophrenia.
After all, the finger of God never does come down and write on our walls. We don’t hear audible voices or see visions. God doesn’t send signs like a charlatan soothsayer at a séance.
But to deny that I’ve received an answer to my own prayers would be blatantly and obviously untrue. I am calmer, more productive, and much happier than I was nine days ago; that much is plain to anyone who’s seen me. But prayers aren’t answered like questions are. Prayer isn’t a call/response exercise.
Rather, especially in my recent experience, prayer is a calling forth of deep truths your soul already contains. In stillness and meditation, I have found that the consolations I sought were already in my life and in my heart; I just had to receive them.
In nine days of prayer, small realizations kept coming to mind. I would ask God for forgiveness and realize I needed to forgive someone, myself. I would ask God for daily sustenance and realize that I was actually sustaining myself pretty well all along. I would pray for God’s will to be done and realize that I didn’t have much control over circumstances, anyhow.
Most importantly, I would ask Jude to pray for my heart to be healed; slowly, I realized the breakup itself was the healing I needed. The past year of working on and suffering over a loveless relationship was what I needed to be healed from; the breakup was just taking my medicine.
Through these meditations, I’ve been able to let go of anger and choose deep contentment and happiness. After all, I’ve got my health, a fan-flipping-tastic job, a cozy apartment, loyal friends — given these circumstances, I’d be an idiot to complain.
That contentment, which grew every day as I meditated, is the answer I was looking for. And that answer did, in fact, come from God.
I’ve long believed that God exists most palpably in the best in people. When we are kind to strangers, God is there. When we speak against injustice, God is there. And even when we simply choose to live in gratefulness and joy, God exists in that choice.
And so ends the rather brief saga of my grief over love lost. I am choosing to live in what I consider to be a godly state of bliss, and there will be a partner in my future to share in it.
Thank you to everyone who has given me words of comfort and encouragement through this challenging time. We all go through heartaches; I hope my sharing mine has been able to help a few of you readers, too.